I washed my car this morning and the stupid nozzle thing was broken such that when you released the high pressure thingy it was still on high pressure & anyway i didnt realize this & i dropped it and it shot back on hit me really hard in my fuckin nose & i was bleeding. People were watching and laughing & i was almost crying for real cuz i was really stoned like a crazy mofo. Also the other day i ran my car over the bushes at my parents house & i really effed up the bushes (sorry bushes!) & my parents were mad cuz they knew i was stoned cuz when it happened i couldnt stop laughing. (Come on it was funny)

I moved a bunch of my stuff back home (to my parents) cuz i think i will mostly be living there for awhile. They dont have internets but my sister does (she has a wireless thingy) and she visits a lot and also Jakup has it so when i see him on weekends i can come to lj. If you bozos respond to shit & dont get an immediate answer back try not to cry too hard cuz ill talk to you eventually.

Hmmm what else....um horses are very pretty creatures :0) & im glad i will be back with mine., I have the munchies for real. Oh yah i think my sister & i might take a trip just us two over to Traverse City. There will be no lesbian stuff going on but most of you are heathen perverts with no lives so i might make up a bunch of shit like "hey i stuck my finger in her pie". hahaaha im seeing colors & things bounce around the room

thanks to zazzle.com whatever the heck that is

I saw a cwazy evil spido cwalling up a twee so i was like OH NOE GAYCUPS I JUST SAW A CWAZY MEAN SPIDO & HE WAS GOING TO BITE ME AND PUT ME IN HIS WEB AND EAT ME ALIVE PEEZ PEEZ HELPS ME OH NOE I NEED SOME SODA FOR I AM IN SHOCK so sweet gaycups went to the stow and bought me mucho soda in a 2 liter botto but it was all warm like pee & we had no ice so i was like PEEZ PEEZ JAKUP I NEED COLD SODA PEEZ HELPS ME so he took the 2 liter botto and poured just a little soda each into about 4 empty soda bottos and put them all in the fweezo cuz that way they will get colder much more quickly than just one big 2 liter botto of sodas TANK YOU JAKUPS :0)

p.s. i love you jakups you dildo

Aw man i went to the kitchen to see what there was to eat and jake saiud "hey grab me a coke will ya?" and i was like fuck this shit man, fuck it for real im tired of you bossing me around like a puto. Get yer own damn coke you puto piece of crap. I dopnt wanna fight with you man cuz i was in vietnam killing gooks for freedom & im through fighting. i just wanna vbe at peace with the universe man. i got the thousand yard stare you puto bitches

Jake is always flipping out on me for crazy reasons. I know it's shallow....but i like when "GOOD LOOKING" (a.k.a. faggoty underwear model guys) look at me cuz they think i am pretty. This DOES NOT mean i want to fuck them cuz really i do NOT (for real people) For me sex means so much more. :0) To me sex is absolute love :0) & i would never do that with someone who is not my sweet faggoty Gaycup :0) Jake is a fucking homo douchebag but i do not want anyone but him (cuz i have bad taste) :0P ok seriously jake really loves me & i want ONLY him!!!!!!! fuck for real wtf HI JAKE I LOVE YOU YOU FUYCKING WEIRDO

ok im a little fucked up

WILL SOMEONE PLEEZ TELL HIM THAT I WANT TO STILL BE PRETTY TO OTHERS AND THIS DOES NOT MEAN I AM CHEATING OIN HIM SERIOUSLY WTF PEOPLE

i studied anthropology ergo i understand why guys are more jealous than goils. but come on jake by now you should know i will never cheat on you CUZ I LOVE YOU YOU FUCKING DUMBASSS

this was going to be an email to jennie but i am posting it here cuz i would like feedback from everyone who reads my journal (which is about 2 people)

i stole one of jake's red bulls & got all crazy wired and then i walked to the store for more red bulls & then more and more and i have way too many red bulls today & im bouncing all over.

do any of you count calories at all?

i have noticed that when im hyper with caffeine i am less hungry. there seems to be a correlation between how hungry i am and how slow my system is going. when i feel like i am hyper or when i am in motion i am not hungry. the motion can be through chemical means or it could be just daily business (when i have a full busy day i am way less hungry)

i have had about 550 calories today. i weigh myself every day cuz i want to stay the weight i am and i am paranoid

i would like to have a baby and pay someone else to raise it cuz i dont like changing diapers or hearing babies cry

Ive had way too much caffeine & my nips hurt FUCK. Anyway here is a basic math lesson for people with peni:

jackie: hey sporto it's your turn to take out the garbage

jake: i just took out the garbage

jackie: uh yah...and then i took it out and that was two days ago and now it's your turn again

jake: man...when you're here the garbage gets full faster

jackie: yer just a fuckin genius

i posted this to a discussion group:

"why so popular with...umm ummm"

i like alan balls cuz he creates the deepest & most caring understanding (etc) stuff i have ever seen in any series. i feel that he understands me & my loneliness (the loneliness i feel when im physically alone AND when im around people) and he understands everyone on the planet, i.e. teachers poets firemen preachers strippers geese etc. his work is absolutely non-judgmental and he seems to tell stories that give everyone a say. it seems like the reason his stuff is written is to bring EVERYONE together, not merely to entertain the philosophical elite at the expense of some lower group of people. (he never has scapegoat characters i.e. characters that are all evil that we "the good people" can look down on to make ourselves feel better)

so seriously...most people on this crappy planet are total judgmental buttholes and i dont know why someone great like mr alan balls is so friggin popular with the masses. which might make me sound judgmental but :0P to you i say, im not judgmental just defensive

IT MAKES ME SICK THAT PEOPLE CAN LIKE GREAT ART LIKE SIX FEET UNDER AND THEN GO WATCH LOST OR WEEDS OR SOME OTHER TOTAL PIECE OF CRAP LIKE THAT AND NOT EVEN SEE THE FLIPPIN DIFFERENCE!!!! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU!!!!!!! uggh

p.s. i like true blood even though i think vampires are dumb

Because i deserve wonderful things like movies popcorn soda etc Gaycup took me to see the John Deppenger movie and it was pretty good. :0) There was one part though where i almost got us kicked out of the theater, namely the scene where there are all these old-style american army dudes guarding some jailhouse somewhere and i thought the uniforms were british cuz well they really looked british and i thought it was really crazy that british people would be there in indiana guarding jailhouses & i started laughing really fuckin loud and saying things like "HALLO GUVNA!!!!" & "COULDNT YOU BUY THE RIGHT FUCKING COSTUMES YOU BITCHES" etc. We were in the back row & just about everyone in front of us turned around and gave us dirty looks. Well come on!! Those uniforms were cwazy. Anyway Jake later explained to me that 1920s & 1930s american soldiers look just like world war 2 british soldiers and this was why i was confused. He also explained to me that no matter how much popcorn & soda he bought me it could never be enough cuz im so darn sweet :0P

Jake & i were watching the dvd special features for the movie "marathon man" and once again he proved to me he cannot just sit there and enjoy my company without trying to cause trouble. Here is basically the conversation that took place minutes ago...

THE GUY ON THE DVD: "the coveted role of elsa went to swiss-born actor marthe keller..."

JACKIE: swiss PORN actor? i dont like such things

JAKUPS: swiss BORN you retarded cunt. let's turn the tv off and DO IT!!!!

JACKIE: haha i think not you little fool

JAKUPS: come on, all the porn talk made me horny

JACKIE: well i suggest you go play with your tiny peepee in the other room then cuz you arent getting anything off me until you marry me

JAKUPS: yah whatever

JACKIE: i know you think im not right for you to marry cuz i dont have a dick

JAKUPS: ok let's watch the rest of this now, shhhh

JACKIE: you dont love me :0P

JAKUPS: i would love you if you were more quiet. quieter i mean, whatever

JACKIE: actually either way is grammatically acceptable. hey do you want me to give you a b.j.?

JAKUPS: are you serious?

JACKIE: haha of course not you silly little fool

baron_von_poopy is always talking about "blah blah zooey deschanel this zooey deschanel that etc etc" and i just think it's weird cuz i saw "2010" (odyssey 2) way back when i was like 6 or something and her mother's sad & confused face always stuck in my head, and of course at that point i had no idea she had a little girl who would grow up to be so famous

Anyhow baron_von_poopy is probably in some shack dorking off to zooey so im trying to do him a favor and turn the topic into something intellectual if that's possible.

Btw as a wacko Kubrick fan i think 2010 would have been really cool if he had directed it but....seriously as it stands w/ hyams it's way way underrated. If you said "2010" and "peter hyams" the movie id imagine in my head would be close to what we got. Seriously it was cool. I think a lot of people hated it cuz every little detail was explained, and if you're one of those people who thinks you're really smart and wants to feel superior to everyone else this movie doesnt work for you cuz if you watch it with 20 retards they will all end up with the same understanding as you have (on the surface anyway).

ok then




( click here boogerface )

Im sorry i stepped on your power cord but you dont have to get all grumpy about it you fuckin grumpy loser. Why dont you go out and look for a fuckin job

There is no way to both humbly and accurately describe this event so... I was in the checkout line at Kroger with my little reptile Jakup when he put his hand on my shoulder (which i thought was quite presumptuous) so this is what i said in a very convincing english accent (if i do say so myself):

IMPUDENT TOAD!! IF YOU EVAH TOUCH ME AYEGAIN WITHOUT EXPRESS PAHMISSION I SHALL HAVE YOW DAHRTEE PAWS NAILED TO THE SENATE DOAHR!!!

Anyway i said it really loudly & about 10 people around us started laughing so i took a bow and then one of them clapped quietly. In summary i fuckin rule and you should have to pay admission just to know me

I wont let Gaycup kiss me unless he brushes those big green teeth of his first & i dont really think that's too much to fuckin ask for. Anyway im mad at him cuz he was rude to a bagger lady at the supermarket whom i happen to think was retarded. It was not her fault she was acting kind of weird. Jake the world does not revolve around you and sometimes people just have bad days and act weird and sometimes they are retarded and this does not give you the right to be rude to them. They are making poop for wages so cut em some slack.

My sister's car broke down the other day up in Bay City and she called ME ME ME to help her even though it is very far away. I was very glad she did this. :0) Sometimes she has this stupid idea in her head that she doesnt want me to help her because she already feels indebted to me for 10000 reasons and this is just fucking stupid cuz she is my sister and i do things for her because i love her and NOT because i expect things in return. Jake was busy so i drove there all by myself and then we got stoned on the way back. I dont usually smoke weed but eating pot brownies while driving can be dangerous so i made an exception. I really love her dearly. :0) Id like to spend more time with my other sister too but she has her own family stuff going on and to be namely frank they are kind of weird when they're all together. Her husband always preaches to me like im some kind of satan slut or something. Seriously!!!! Can you imagine people thinking im a slut???? I think he thinks this cuz i dress kinda gothy and cuz im high sometimes. He also pisses me off cuz when i talk about jesus he always contradicts me no matter what it is im saying. Seriously i could say something really basic like "jesus loves his little children of the world" or something and he will find a way to contradict me. Stupid holy roller.

Jake went to fucking ferndale without me and it really pissed me off cuz there are a lot of gorgeous freaky women there (there is a word for that which begins with an "s") to some stupid record store. Plus he didnt buy me anything. WHAT THE FUCK JAKE, THEY SELL CDS FOR 4 FUCKING DOLLARS YOU LOSER

Anyway i have been making mean funny faces cuz i thought jake was behind me on the bed watching me but he must have gotten up to leave somewhere. Shit i must be mroe fucked up that i thought.

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!! you people be nice now

Today there was this blind fella trying to get across the street at 25 & mound and he almost got run over and then some douchebag laid on the horn and freaked out the blind guy so then the blind guy starts yelling and i mean really loud. It was the kind of insane yelling you do not when you're mad but totally scared. Although maybe that's just me. The speed limit there is like 45 which is not so fast that you cant just slow down when you see a blind person crossing the street. The blind man had a white cane and a bright orange vest and huge glasses and i felt very sorry for him because it would be bad enough having to wear funny clothes like that even if you could see. In the winter when Jakup goes running (which is about once every two months) he comes home griping about how people dont shovel their walks, well just imagine being blind and not being able to leave the house in the winter because you dont have any kind of path to follow using your little white cane.

Anyway i started crying like a litto baby :0( but now that i am home on lj i am both sad and mad because i am a very sensitive litto sweetheart but all you fucking assholes on lj hate my guts cuz i speak my mind and when i think youre being irresponsible & petty dipshits i come out and say so. (That, and also im just kinda loud in general i guess)

I prayed to baby jesus to help the blind people of the world and also thanked him that i have a good home and that i am not blind. Ok now i am crying again because i love jesus so much. Well whatever people, i know you think im stupid but if you are a commie butthole instead of praying to jesus for the blind peepos you can take a moment out of your stupid day once in a while to just reflect on nature and be thankful that you have it so good. Because believe me you DO have it pretty good. Do you know how i can tell? Because you're not blind and youre probably reading this crap on a computer in your safe little apartment and you probably arent getting shot at by crazy people who are about to chop up your family with machetes.

I think im starting my womanly time. If you make any jokes about anything i have said i will remove you from my friendslist and then bash your fuckin head in with a baseball bat.

I had another random annoying habit to report but only one of you boneheads read my last r.a.h. post so you dont deserve any more. Anyway i have been talking like a negro making fun of Gaycup cuz the other day he accidentally talked negro so now im making fun of him because that is just the sort of person i am. He hates it too, cuz he thinks anyone who doesnt wear confederate flag t-shirts is a "fuckin wigger". (that's if they're white of course. If they are black they are something else but i shall not repeat such terms.)

Speaking of colored folk we went to walmart the other day on hall road and it was crazy cuz i was really stoned. I saw a very pleasant looking fat old black man and i must say without sarcasm that he seemed so jolly & pleasant that i told him "sir you are one of the most pleasant looking people i have ever seen". Jake just kind of gave me a dirty look cuz he is a jealous butthole but seriously i wanted to tickle this negro man on his big gay belly because he looked like a pleasant santa claus. Sometimes i get into these moods that are hard to describe without being corny, but i just want to hug everyone and spread peace & love & goodwill. Seriously im not kidding. Anyway the nice black man who was pleasant showed us where the paper towels were.

Also Jake & i have this silly thing we do called "dude there's my car". When one of us sees a car that looks like mine or his (but is not) the person will say "dude there's your car" or "hey there's my car". It's really sweet. :0) Anyway in the walmart parking lot i was all stoned & i thought we had parked further out than we did and when i saw a car that looked like jake's i said "dude there's your car!!!" but it really was his car. He made fun og me and i was too effed up to hit him.

Even though you dont deserve this here is the random annoying habit i was going to tell you. This one is another jake habit. The fucker eats cornuts with a spoon and it really pisses me off.

Much like in m*a*s*h that is all

Jake :0P

- Uses anywhere between 8-10 fabric softener sheets PER LOAD. How do i know this? See the next item plz

- Instead of folding his clean clothes and putting them where they belong he leaves them in the backroom in a big rubbermaid box with 8-10 used fabric softener sheets. Why does he leave the sheets there? See next item plz but right now i will just say it makes the place look like hillbillies live here

- He leaves a bunch of used fabric softener sheets in the box with the clothes cuz this way he can tell clean clothes from dirty ones (obviously the box with the dirty clothes doesnt have any used fabric softener sheets in it)

- when im talking to my mom he puts his stupid face really close to the headset and says absurd things such as "wassup nigga" and "babbabooey" etc

- He heats up spaghetti in bowls he knows are NOT for spaghetti ergo all our fuckin bowls are now red

Mom (namely my mowmow) :0P

- Whenever jake acts up around her i know she is annoyed but she pretends she thinks it's cute cuz she likes the stupid fucker so much

- Sometimes she calls when im driving and i dont like to talk & drive so i say "ILL CALL YOU BACK IN 30 SECONDS" & then i pull into the nearest parking lot and call her and by this time she is out in the barn doing something stupid

p.s. oh yah i forgot to say why jake uses so many fabric softener sheets. he wears the same clothes about 200 times and this creates extra static cling on his fat gay ass cuz of all the extra rubbing. so he needs extra static protection. for real people i wouldnt kid you

She's cool but so am i for posting this


mystique movie 500 kb

Im a little upset this morning cuz i had a really weird dream last night and when i tried to get my worthless fuckin bf to comfort me and say silly things to make me feel better he just laughed. In the dream i was pregnant with a baby that was not deformed or anything but it was not a normal human baby for reasons i wont go into and it was very upsetting cuz the dream was one of those really realistic ones. I dont wanna go into any more detail cuz you might laugh too if your brain is small, which it probably is. I think i need to go to my REAL home for awhile and be with me REAL fucking family (YOU KNOW, THE FAMILY I HAVE WHO ARENT ALL DOUCHEBAGS.) I think that was some bad grammar but i dont care, it's early

Im sick of people treating me like a clown. And whats even worse, if people were there with us when he was making fun of me and laughing they would have been laughing too because of the specifc way in which he was making fun of me, which i shall not go into now for the same reason.

IF YOU SAY ANYTHING FUNNY OR MAKE A SILLY COMMENT I WILL BAN YOU FROM THIS JOURNAL YOU FUCKING STUPID PIECE OF COMMIE SHIT

No i like screwing anything with a pulse cuz im a retart & i love such things as aids, unwanted pregnancy, fucked up confused kids who dont know who their dads are, cervical cancer etc

fuckin idiots

Ive already said this but im very arrogant & sometimes i like to rub things in. I probably wont have kids and this is what im doing for the planet. If i have 2 kids who each have 2 kids who each have 2 kids blah blah blah that's a LOT of fucking emissions and trees cut down and extra garbage for landfills etc. No matter what i do that's bad for the planet (failing to recycle, driving around wasting gas etc etc) still i hurt the planet nowhere NEAR as much as anyone who is retarded enough to have kids.

I do believe in being nice to the planet but i also believe most liberals are hypocritical douchebags who talk the talk but dont walk the walk. (Yah that's a full metal jacket movie quote you dildo.) I love how they drink their fuckin bottled water and buy all sorts of other needless hippie shit THAT COMES TO THEM ON TRUCKS WHICH WASTE LOTSA FUCKIN OIL and then they wanna point their litto homo fingers at people like me who just throw bottles out my livingroom window cuz im too stoned to remember where the recycle bin is. F YOU AND THE DILDO HORSE YOU RODE IN ON YOU FUCKIN TOYOTA-DRIVIN PIECE OF HIPPIE SHIT.

Btw if you are republican f you too you fuckin weiner cuz i hate you too

I guess it's redundant to use ol & yore together but whatever. Listen folks, im pissed off at technology for two reasons:

1 Oftentimes with this new tech crap they dont give you a backup system you can use when the tech crap fails. For example our tv's remote took a poo long ago and we were forced to strictly use the actual controls on the tv. Personally im not such a lazy person that this should be a big deal BUT GUESS WHAT. Half the controls one needs in his or her daily life (brightness color contrast resolution etc) are not available on the actual tv, only on the friggin remote!!!! So now the only controls we have left are volume & channel up/down. This is annoying because Dickhead likes to leave the tv on at night for noise (i kinda like it too, to be namely frank) but we can no longer turn down the brightness a little. When you're trying to sleep at night and everything is totally dark, having a huge tv right at your feet blasting light at you makes you feel like yer on the set of blade runner. And dont tell me just to get another remote cuz we already tried that & the idea fails for about 20 reasons i dont wanna get into.

2 These silly tech controls seem to not work half the time when the product is more than a year old. Our huge fan for example...yes people, believe it or not our fan is one of those ones with the fancy tech touchy controls on it, not like the old fans where it was just a friggin manual knob that you turn. Anyway just today the fan started to malfunction and to get it to turn on you have to dick around with the controls for about 10 minutes. Keep in mind the actual fan still works great, it's just the high fangled techy control thing that doesnt work. DO YOU REALLY NEED ONE OF THOSE TOUCH CONTROL THINGS ON YOUR FAN???? WHAT'S WRONG WITH A KNOB??? Hey, i didnt buy the thing. Anyway...ironically enough, a couple weeks ago when we were cleaning out boxes of stuff we ran across the remote for the fan but i told jake he shouldnt use it because he is fat and needs every little excuse to get off his lazy ass. So we stuck it back in one of those boxes with the crappy labels that kept peeling off.

Anyway i blame that turdsickle jj abrams for all my tech problems THANKS FOR LISTENING

EDIT--> oh yah one more thing id like to bitch about. the controls on the tv are those touchy feely techy control too so about once a weeks they dont work either. which means that in six months they probably wont work at all so the whole tv wont work so we'll have to throw it out and go pay $500 for a widescreen one the same size

These ohio bobbleheads get 50 negative points for having sex in front of the kids but 60,000 positive points for driving a ford.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0518091car1.html

Id like to remind you folks who arent from michigan that cars are 9 % of the total AMERICAN (NOT JUST MICHIGAN) economy. Anyway thanks damon for the story you twat

I was really wound up & hyper today. I told my mowmow i wanted to join a prison gang and she just sat there ignoring me so i grabbed my right booby and said "suck it you ho" & she got mad. :0P Later we were buying dog food and she was complaining cuz the place wanted 5 bucks more than the place where she normally goes so i was like "dat be some cwazy nigga shit mah bitches" (i did a crazy dance too) and she didnt like that either cuz there were lots of people around. On the way home she pissed me off bigtime cuz her and dad refuse to put a fuckin lock on the gate leading to where they keep the horsies and some butthole could open up the gate and let them all out. Seriously this pisses me off. Her excuse is "if they wanted to steal the horses they could cut the fence" but this misses my point. Im not worried about theft so much as i am casual random acts of maliciousness. Im not worried that someone will risk being seen walking around the premises with a wire cutter but someone could easily just smoke a joint and for kicks open up the stupid gate. Come on mom get yer head out of your fuckin ass.

Jake n i are watching one of those stupidest movies ever made called "virtuosity" which i did not pick btw because my taste doesnt suck huge sweaty balls THANKS JAKE FOR RENTING STUPID MOVIES. LET'S WATCH DANCE FEVER NEXT anyway this is why im here talking to you now and not sitting with him watching movies cuz the movie sucks

bye bye

Yah damon you fuckin fairy IM JUST CRAZY CUZ I DIDNT LIKE STAR TREK. Here's what ebert said you loser

The Gene Roddenberry years, when stories might play with questions of science, ideals or philosophy, have been replaced by stories reduced to loud and colorful action. Like so many franchises, it’s more concerned with repeating a successful formula than going boldly where no “Star Trek” has gone before.

Maybe if i were a science fiction butthole like you id settle for a bunch of flashy crap but i go see movies for the characters and the story. LOSER :0P